the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
