I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
