We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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