so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
