hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
