my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
