that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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