Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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