just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
