P.S. I can't hear my feet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
