It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
