I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
