FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
