Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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