Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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