...so i touched it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
