I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
