somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
