suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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