So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
