Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just cropdusted the office
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize