I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
