Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
