i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
