There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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