I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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