Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
