when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was not drunk enough for that final.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
