I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
