So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
