Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
