I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
