and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
