Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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