low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
