New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
