They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
