3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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