i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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