I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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