um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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