im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
