who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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