I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
