Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
