More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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