mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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