i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
