yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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