I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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