The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
