I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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