We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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