I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
