It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
