I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How does one acquire holy water?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
