i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
